Life in Kyodo Japan

Old Meets New: Portland, Maine

I awaken at the normal 7:15, with hunger pangs, knowing my cheese and other snacks are in the car, parked in the public lot behind the YMCA.

I push open the heavy drapes, revealing some assemblage of history. I see te old Eastland Park Hotel neon in one direction and the digital bank lock in the other. Both have history with the city, and even to me in the form of radio station-sponsored parties, and my beacon to work, for which I was always hurrying for at 7:56am and rushing away from at 4:29pm.

The day I gave my notice, I felt removed from my own body, nervous, perhaps for etting someone down? Little did I know then, my deciseveness to find skills away would be a success. I have a bag of tricks now, but I could han them here! Like an old friend once said, you don't have to leave to find what you are looking for, you just have see!

extraTEXTure presents Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray

extraTEXTure presents Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray


thanks to diane!

When I was 17...

Remember this song? When I was 17? It was a very good year... When I was 21....
Well too much watching of Dawson's Creek may actually be good for me. The characters on Dawson are all freshmen in college, aged 19.

This got me thinking about when I was 19. I had just flunked out of college (nicely put my social education was getting A's!) and I moved in to a spare room at my boyfriend's Mom's house. (This, today, remains a serious formula for failure, but what the heck, I was only 19, and I remember LOTS from those days! By the time I celebrated my 20th birthday with them, the engagement ring had come and gone, right out the window with my Madonna phase from Desparately Seeking Susan. I was wearing black suede boots, purple socks and a purple sweatshirt, black capri jeans, and dangly earrings. I had retired my blue sunray eye shadow style right along with my colored paperclip necklaces.

...

Just because I was telling all of my coworkers at the local Shaw's that THEY were too young to get married didn't mean I didn't know what else TO do once my beau and I had given each other daily cards, love notes, roses, etc for months. While we didn't seem to tire of it, it did start to lose meaning and we just didn't know how to up the bar.

It was all about romance then. It must have been. It was more about those hallmark cards than it was about the hallmark moments or, dare I say, getting to know each other!

I do remember one hallmark moment Steve and I shared. I was coming out of the Bates College Computer Center, down those stone steps, when I saw Stephen walking across campus towards me. The Bates College "Quad" is quite beautiful with a vast lawn protected by might oaks. Stevie-Bu as I used to call him (some Japanese or Korean title there) as he approached I was thrilled to see him and, as int he movies, we ran towards each other and he swept me up in a hug, twirling me in a big huggy circle! It is so easy to picture the trees fading into the motion behind us with the spotlight on the love. Very Dawson-esque I might imagine ;-)

Of course that was all before he got in some trouble, had to sell our jeep (didn't ask) and went back to school where he promptly took up with Miss Maine. It was oh some time later before I learned this. He was rooming with local CT boy Sean Hanka and I stopped in, as usual, after an evening class. The pic was up on his wall, not along with mine, and so of course I checked it out. I later overheard Sean telling him so.

It all worked out in the end. I finally gave up on my committment to him, seeing it wasn't being reciprocated, and later learned that Miss Maine left him and started dating his best friend (who mind you I had dated prior to Steve!). But even more justice. Miss Maine then met my ex's twin brother Steve (not my fiance Stephen) and they were rumored to have been married. Couldn't tell you who's doing what now, and it frankly doesn't much matter. I can smile about the whole thing, that's worthy!

So what about 19 got me thinking these last few days? I found some perspective. I am no more married than I was now, and perhaps I care a tad less. No point in marrying the wrong person, and no point in marrying someone I am friends with if it causes un-due pain. Really.

Talking to jaded men, that gives me lots to think about. Dear Mr. Budo compares himself to Dorian Grey, telling me he is cursed with his own portrait, and my other friend, admiring the book himself, asks why two people can't just go on having a fun time together? Why must people try to improve each other (notably avoiding their own improvement?)


All this is just input for the story. The magic is about to be spun. The time is now. Just do it. Just do what?

I am preparing - credit down, weight down, muscles up, dental health, physical exam, good nutrition (sometimes), less drinking (usually), starting to organize my web sites. This part makes me feel HOPEFUL! Life feels less foggy. Clarity strikes me. I see my own future. It comes clearer. Keep a watch on 2004, you just may surprise yourself!

Love,
kate

New job starts tomorrow. Think I am already. Gotta get home. Great seeing Petey, but now there is laundry and a gym to keep in mind....